Friday, December 12, 2008

The Silver Lining

This has been a very difficult week for our family. As many of you may or may not know, Evan and I have been looking forward to adding to our family for a while now. We love Isaiah so much and we can't wait to give him a little brother or sister! Earlier in the week, we were very excited because we found out we were pregnant. It's such a rush to see that word pop up on the test and we had even started arguing about names. Good arguing, though. We started making plans for how to go about telling our family and other things that would need to be taken care of before Baby #2 arrived. I was also pretty psyched to be due on August 17 since a new baby would be a pretty awesome birthday present for me!

But God had other plans for us. I had a early miscarriage. We found out yesterday for sure what exactly was going on and a miscarriage at this stage of pregnancy is commonly known as a "chemical pregnancy." What it basically means is that the mother was pregnant just long enough to get a few positive tests and start the initial planning for the baby: making appointments with the doctor, etc. At some point early in the process, typically during or right after implantation, something is found to be wrong with the embryo and the body terminates the pregnancy. So, Mom is suddenly confused because she gets her period out of nowhere and so, in a panic, takes another pregnancy test which turns up negative.

This has been a hard couple of days for me, but I'm quickly becoming more at peace with the whole situation and through the support of family and a lot of prayer, I've found my silver lining. We conceived a baby! How cool is that??!! The way I see it, this was God's way of letting us know that we're going about everything correctly and we're working just fine. He wanted me to know that he's watching out for us and for our baby and that he's going to take care of us. He's going to make sure that when the situation is just right, that baby's going to stick around and be perfect for us. He won't let us settle for anything less. I still feel the pain of losing a baby and mourn what I know was there, even if it was only for a short time, but I am also comforted to know that God understands my grief.

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