The other day, I was loading the kids into the car to head to town and meet up with Daddy. We were on a tight schedule and absolutely had to be out the door at a certain time or I would be late for work. As I was trying to shoo Isaiah toward the car, he suddenly decided he didn't want to ride in his carseat. He immediately started to tell me he wanted to ride up front.
Isaiah - "Momma, Isaiah drive!"
Me - "Oh baby, Mommy has to drive today. We're going to meet Daddy!"
Isaiah - "No Momma. Isaiah drive! Please!"
Me - "Isaiah, you need to ride in your chair. When you're a big boy you can ride up front."
Isaiah - "No Momma! No chair! Isaiah drive!"
Well, you can see where this is going. He screamed the whole time I had to wrangle him into his carseat and continued to wail for half the drive to town. I asked him several times if he wanted water/Fruit Loops/army guys/phone or any number of things. The answer was always "No." When I asked if he was crying because he wanted to ride up front, he always answered, "Uh huh." The poor boy just wanted to ride up by Mommy, were the big boys sit.
As my frustration increased along with the decibel level of his screaming, I heard another voice in my head say to me, "Are you really so different?"
Huh? How am I like this toddler wailing at the top of his lungs?
Isaiah had his heart set on something he wanted. He had decided he wanted to sit up front, that he was ready to sit up front, that he deserved to sit up front. When I told him he couldn't, he cried because he was being denied something he was so certain he was entitled to.
I had my heart set on landing that teaching job. I wanted that job, I was ready to have that job, I deserved to have that job. When I did not get that job, I cried because I was being denied something I was so certain I was entitled to.
Yikes.
How often do we do this? We decide we want something and that we deserve to have it. We say to God, "I've earned it, Lord. I'm ready!" When it doesn't happen, we have a tantrum just like my toddler and scream at our Father for denying us what we are so sure is rightfully ours. I didn't let Isaiah sit up front because it is too dangerous for a little boy to ride in the front. If we were to get in an accident, the airbags would kill him if they deployed. A loving, responsible parent would not allow their two-year old to ride of front. It's as simple as that.
Of course, no amount of explaining that to Isaiah would have made a difference. His mind was so fixated on what he wanted, on his desires, that no reasoning was going to help. When our Father doesn't allow us to have something we so desperately want, we refuse to accept reasoning. All we can see is our own selfishness and we are blind to why we are denied our desire.
When we ignore his plan and just do things our way, we are going to get hurt.
Here's the key. A loving and responsible parent wouldn't allow their toddler to ride up front. A loving and responsible God, our Father, will also choose not to allow His child to do something they are not ready for, that will put them in danger.
Who are we to decide what we are ready for? What we deserve? Isaiah knows nothing about airbags and the danger they pose to him. He just needs to trust me to take care of him. We need to trust that our Father is also taking care of us. Sometimes we're just going to have to sit in the carseat and cry for a while, but we'll have made it safely to our destination.
Will you allow me to pray for us for a moment? Pray along with me as you read this, if you are comfortable.
Father in Heaven, so often we are so sure that we know better, that our desires are so much more important that your will. Enter our hearts, Lord. Remind us that your way is the best way and help us to listen to you as you guide us in your way. Grant us patience to follow your timeline and help us to trust that you are taking care of us. We do not know better than you, Lord. Work in our hearts to remind us that you will never forsake us.
