Lessons in Lunch

Five years ago, I never would have guessed that my life would someday revolve around food and poop.  Now that we've conquered the whole potty training adventure and Isaiah has realized that going #2 in the toilet means he can "poop like Daddy," all is right and good in the world of elimination in our household. 

Food, however, remains a challenge.  Seriously, are all toddlers as freakishly picky as my boy?  If I allowed it, the child's diet would consist of the following:

• Peanut Butter Sandwich
• French Fries

Of course, since I am Super-Mom and I would never dream of providing anything other than a nutritionally balanced, organic, farm-raised, GHB free (is that even a legit acronym?) diet to my children, his actual food choices are the following:

• Peanut Butter Sandwich
• Sweet Potato French Fries
• Regular French Fries (when we go to restaurants)
• Chicken Nuggets
• Hot dogs
• The occasional cheeseburger
• Pasta (But it has to be penne or spaghetti.  Other shapes freak him out. Whole Wheat, thank you very much!)
• Fruit (grapes, raisins, blueberries, peaches, strawberries, blackberries)
• Fish sticks
• Yogurt
• Eggo Waffles
• Pancakes

Yes, I was being sarsactic.  I've caved like a sinkhole in the middle of Milwaukee.  If I branch out too much from there, I just end up throwing food away.  Yes, I realize there is nary a veggie to be found on that list.  Unless I am sneaking it into the pasta sauce or hiding it inside a cupcake or cookie (both of which I have done successfully, I might add), the child will NOT willingly ingest a veggie.  This is infuriating.

To illustrate the dining conundrum I find myself in, I invite you to join me on a short photographic tour.  First, observe a typical lunch offering.  Micah's plate is on the left, Isaiah's is on the right.

This is about as balanced as I get, people.  Fish, sweet potato fries, cheese, raisins, strawberries, milk. 

When the "All Done!" had been announced and the faces had been wiped, Isaiah's plate looked like this:

Fruit and dairy were a big hit that day.

Micah's plate....well, no surprise here:

And since Isaiah didn't eat any of his fish, he did not get to have his cookie with white beans and wheat germ hidden inside. (Shhhh!! Don't tell!)

On the other hand, I ate Isaiah's leftover fish so the cookie became rightfully mine.

Don't judge me.

So here's my plea to the experienced parents out there.  Throw me a bone and pass along some sage advice on how to get my picky toddler to even TRY something new.  I can't force him (can I?) and I can't punish him for not eating something (can I?) and I certainly don't want to bribe him.  Am I doomed to never see anything green on my child's plate actually get eaten?  Help!