Once upon a time, not so very long ago, my life was quite different. For instance, I could:
- Go to the bathroom without an audience.
- Find a desired DVD quickly and easily, since they were neatly organized and alphabetized.
- Grab my purse and leave on a moment's notice.
- Make it through an entire day, nay month, without saying the word, "potty."
- Sleep through the night, every night.
- Sit on my couch without finding a race car, elephant, or crushed Goldfish.
- Go see an R-rated movie in the theatre without needing to get a babysitter.
- Leave the house without worrying there might be a puke, poop, or pee stain somewhere on my clothing.
- Watch TV without ever encountering Dora the Explorer, Team Umi-Zoomi, or Clifford the Big Red Dog.
Of course, now that I'm nearing the three year mark of my new life as "Mom," my fairy tale looks somewhat different:
- Bathroom time is primed for deep conversations about Cheerios being bombed with "poop snakes" and remembering to "point down!!!"
- Looking for a DVD is more like a treasure hunt. Half the time, you end up finding a different one that sounds better anyway.
- I kind of like having wipes in my purse at all times. Even when I'm out and about with no kids, I have found myself thinking, "Dang! If only I had a wipe!" (Like that time I spilled beer on my new green blouse the first time I wore it out in public. Seriously.)
- Sure, I say "potty" a dozen or more times a day. At least I'm down to one in diapers!
- I still wish I could sleep an entire night without getting out of bed.
- There are little gnomes who live under my couch. They collect things like socks, Lightning McQueen cars, the last puzzle piece, and left shoes.
- R-rated movies are also on Netflix eventually.....no babysitter required.
- I've just accepted that I'm never going to leave the house looking completely put together. That's why they invented the Tide To-Go Pen.
- I actually kind of like Phineas and Ferb. I have the theme song memorized.
And they all lived happily ever after.
