Monday, November 8, 2010

Once Upon a Time

Once upon a time, not so very long ago, my life was quite different.  For instance, I could:

  • Go to the bathroom without an audience.
  • Find a desired DVD quickly and easily, since they were neatly organized and alphabetized.
  • Grab my purse and leave on a moment's notice.
  • Make it through an entire day, nay month, without saying the word, "potty."
  • Sleep through the night, every night.
  • Sit on my couch without finding a race car, elephant, or crushed Goldfish.
  • Go see an R-rated movie in the theatre without needing to get a babysitter.
  • Leave the house without worrying there might be a puke, poop, or pee stain somewhere on my clothing.
  • Watch TV without ever encountering Dora the Explorer, Team Umi-Zoomi, or Clifford the Big Red Dog. 
Of course, now that I'm nearing the three year mark of my new life as "Mom," my fairy tale looks somewhat different:
  • Bathroom time is primed for deep conversations about Cheerios being bombed with "poop snakes" and remembering to "point down!!!"
  • Looking for a DVD is more like a treasure hunt.  Half the time, you end up finding a different one that sounds better anyway.
  • I kind of like having wipes in my purse at all times.  Even when I'm out and about with no kids, I have found myself thinking, "Dang!  If only I had a wipe!"  (Like that time I spilled beer on my new green blouse the first time I wore it out in public.  Seriously.)
  • Sure, I say "potty" a dozen or more times a day.  At least I'm down to one in diapers!
  • I still wish I could sleep an entire night without getting out of bed.
  • There are little gnomes who live under my couch.  They collect things like socks, Lightning McQueen cars, the last puzzle piece, and left shoes.
  • R-rated movies are also on Netflix babysitter required.
  • I've just accepted that I'm never going to leave the house looking completely put together.  That's why they invented the Tide To-Go Pen.
  • I actually kind of like Phineas and Ferb.  I have the theme song memorized.
And they all lived happily ever after.

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