Embarrassing Moment #274

It certainly doesn't rank as high on the scale as the day I had to sit idly by as Romeo's butt (and Juliet's chest for that matter) were on display for an entire classroom of sophomores to see, but I had the pleasure of enduring yet another embarrassing moment in substitute teaching this week. 

Allow me to set the scene for you.  I stand at the front of the room, ever the professional, and notice a life-sized cardboard cutout standing in the back corner, facing away from me so I can't see who it is.  Intrigued, I decide to make it a silent little game with myself to see if I can guess who it is.  I'm in an English teacher's classroom so several ideas pop into my head immediately - William Shakespeare, Edgar Allan Poe, JD Salinger,  Jenny McCarthy.  Ok, so not that last one.  (Although I hear her parenting books are actually decent!)

Then I got creative.  Perhaps the cardboard guest was not, in fact, indicative of the teacher whose room I was in, but the students.  This opened up a whole new world of possibilities - Justin Beaver Bieber, Taylor Swift, Spongebob Squarepants, any number of rappers who either just got out of prison, are about to head to prison, or have yet to get caught for the offense that will send them to prison.

As you can see, the mystery just got that much more intriguing!  Who was this mystery man/woman standing in the corner?  Why were they turned around as in some kind of time-out?  Was it defaced in some way?  What if it was something much more disappointing like a Subway ad with that Jared guy?

By third hour, I just had to know.  I had exhausted the possibilities and decided that the most likely answer was William Shakespeare.  English classroom....widely read playwright....it all fit.  It had to be him.

With the room deserted, I crossed the classroom, anticipation growing with each step.  Finally, I reached the corner, took a deep breath, and leaned around to try to catch a glimpse of the face of my mystery guest....

"Ummm....hello?"

I yelped like a cat being thrown into a bathtub and jumped about a foot as I knocked the cutout to the floor.  Looking up, I see three students looking at me like they just walked in on Mommy and Daddy having "private time."  Trying to play it cool, we chat briefly about how the regular teacher wasn't there, but to look on their shelf for the work they missed.  And then they left. 

As my heart rate returned to normal, I silently cursed that stupid cardboard cutout as I lifted it up and returned it to its previous position.  For a brief second, I swear I saw Edward Cullen laughing at me before I turned and faced him back at the bookcase.