Since about our second year of marriage, Evan and I have made it our practice to include a copy of The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman
as part of our gift to every wedding we go to. Some might think it a little crass to give a newlywed couple a book on relationships, but I certainly wish someone had placed one our gift table back in July of 2004! It might have saved us a lot of hollering and frustrations that first year. This book is wonderful and we cannot sing its praises enough. Reading this book, learning how to understand how the other feels love, and putting it into practice probably saved our marriage. Is it easy? No way. Does it take constant work to keep the "love tank" full? Absolutely. In fact, Evan and I just had a rather intense discussion the other night about how he felt like he was "running on empty." You see, we have practically opposite love languages. Here's what I mean. This is a screen shot of a little quiz I took on the Five Love Languages website that reveals my primary love language:
I feel most loved when Evan does things for me without me explicitly asking him to do so. Dishes, laundry, giving the kids a bath, etc. I feel neglected and unloved when those things are ignored, forgotten, or when I feel he leaves more for me to do.
On the flip side, my husband is a textbook example of a Physical Touch love language. He feels most loved when I seek out to touch him - hugs, hand holding, kisses, being near him. Yes, physical intimacy is involved in this too, but it isn't the whole story. He feels like he's "running on empty" when I don't go out of my way to engage in physical contact or when he feels like he has to chase me.
To understand our struggle, check out my score for Physical Touch. Yup....ZERO. It isn't even on my radar screen. And as for him, he struggles to understand why when I come home from work and find dirty dishes all over the counters that I immediately get annoyed and upset. Considering it's Love Day, I figured it was a good time for us both to be reminded about the importance of speaking each other's language and to share this concept with you!
So, this Valentine's Day....I'm sending some love over the cyberspace airwaves to my hubby despite the fact that it really won't register with his love language at all! Ironic, huh? Love you, Evan!
Want to figure out your love language? Take the Quiz! And really...buy the book. Work through it with your spouse and you will never regret it!
