Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Parasites and Milk Bags

First and foremost, I want to say a huge thank you to everyone who wrote me such kind words after my ultrasound post on Monday.  I got emails, Facebook messages, comments on the blog, and text messages from people who really lifted me up.  Many understood what I was going through and were able to relate to my emotions, but most just were there to say that it's ok to feel sad and to encourage me that being the mother of sons is a big job that God has called me to do.  These three boys, these particular boys, were chosen specifically for me to raise up into men He can be proud of.  Wow.  Now that's some strong stuff.  So thank you everyone.  And if you were one of the parents who offered up their daughters for me to "borrow," expect a phone call.  Not kidding.  :)

Because of this whole experience, I ended up having some really cool conversations with other mothers this week about pregnancy and parenting and I found it absolutely amazing to hear about how we all can view it so differently.  Here are the basics of one of these conversations.  I was laughing so hard at how different we were! 

Mother #1 (hint: it's me):  Pregnancy is awesome!  Sure, you end up resembling a small whale and rolling over in bed becomes a seven step process.  Yes, heartburn sucks and it's certainly true that eventually it does feel like your hips are literally being split apart with a dull axe.  But it's amazing!  For those 9 months, I feel like I am doing something incredible.  There is new life blossoming right before my eyes and I'm the only one who can experience its secrets.  I never feel more valuable than when I am pregnant.  After I give birth, I'm just another woman with kids.  Being pregnant is something special

Mother #2:  I hate being pregnant.  It's like having a parasite, a huge parasite, inside you 24/7.  You have no privacy, you're never alone, and all it does is feed off you and make you feel miserable.  For that 9 months, all I felt like was a host or an incubator to this thing.  I couldn't wait to get it out of me so I could finally be by myself again!  But.....breastfeeding is incredible.  Once that baby arrives, it's a bonding experience that only I can share with him.  It's just so amazing that I can give this little person exactly what he needs and that connection is unique to us and nobody else can replace it.  It breaks my heart when I have to stop nursing!

Mother #1 (me again):  Breastfeeding is torture.  It hurts, it's exhausting, it's frustrating, it's annoying, it's messy, and it hurts.  Latching on hurts.  Mastitis really hurts.  When I'm nursing, I feel like nothing more than a milk machine for the little buggar!  I don't feel like I need to whip my boob out just to bond with my baby.  I can connect with them just as well with a bottle and a good snuggle.  I hate waking up soaking wet because my milk bags have a mind of their own.  I breastfeed for as long as I can stand it because I know it's best for the baby and I don't feel bad when I quit.  I pump for as long as my supply will hold out and then transition my kids to formula.  It's just not for me! 

So, which mother do you tend to associate your feelings with?  #1 or #2?

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