Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Getting Real

Sometimes I forget that there is no sarcasm font I can engage on my keyboard.  I forget that everything I post here on the blog or on Twitter is out there for anyone and everyone to see....and to make opinions about.  I originally started this blog as a way to keep our family updated on the cute things Isaiah was doing, when he was busting out new teeth, or trying to graduate from scooting to crawling.  It worked very well for that purpose.  Over time, it evolved into more of a platform for a wider variety of topics.  I wrote about my kids mostly, but also about faith, shopping, relationships, and opinions.  I've tried to keep it real and show both the fun and the frustrating, the triumphs and the trials.

I met some of my most amazing friends through this blog.  My neighbor from 4 houses down on my street had never met me until she stumbled across my blog and contacted me.  Now I would call her one of my closest friends and through her I have met a network of other amazing moms that have welcomed me into their fold with open arms.  Through that connection, we found new friends and a preschool for Isaiah and a church family we were so painfully missing.  Without the blog, this would have never happened.

What I forgot was that writing about my experiences and opinions implicitly invites others to share theirs.  Usually these are very positive and helpful, creating a network of mutual support.  Every so often, there is an outlier.  When one of these comments arrived on my blog tonight, I was totally blind-sighted.  I felt like I'd been kicked in the the gut.  It hurt so much to think that the things I had written or Tweeted made it sound like I don't love my kids or that I can't handle them.  Have I been struggling lately?  Yes.  Is Micah proving to be a challenge unlike anything Isaiah ever presented at this age?  Absolutely. 

But let me make one thing perfectly clear once and for all.

I love my children.  ALL of my children.  And anyone who suggests that a single one of those boys would be better off being adopted by someone else or that I am unfit to be a parent to them clearly doesn't know me or my kids. 

And after I sobbed, shuddered, and choked on my tears for about 30 minutes after reading the comment, I realized that perhaps I don't need to share every single detail about everything with everyone.  Maybe I shouldn't have felt the need to write about the difficult side of parenting.  Perhaps I should have stuck to posting cute photos of faces smeared with baby food, the news of new teeth, and excitement over first words. 

Or maybe I should just make the blog private from here on out.  Because if there's one thing I've never been very good at, it's swallowing that someone thinks that way about me.  Even if I don't even know who that person is.

So here's the heads up.  If you've read this entire post, it probably means that you're either related to me or a friend who has seen me without any makeup and wearing my husband's UW-Platteville sweatshirt.  If you fall into one of those categories, not much will change.  After the blog goes private, you'll have to request an invite to view it with an email address.  I'll continue to post, you'll continue to read as you see fit.  If you'd rather not stick around, I understand.  I can guarantee that one Suesie333 probably won't want to keep reading and that's just fine.  As much as I welcome comments on the stuff I write, I can't pretend that reading this particular one didn't affect me deeply.  I apologize to Suesie333 if I made it seem like I think Micah is horrible.  I've been madly in love with him since the first time he locked in on me with those blue eyes.  I want you to know that I cried and cried....and then wrote this.  Thank you for making me realize that my words have consequences, but I didn't realize it would be such a harsh lesson.

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