Sunday, September 16, 2012

All Hail Lord Xyron

As I write this, Micah is sitting in Time Out behind me, wailing his head off because he just can't seem to fathom why scribbling on the wall with a black marker would land him in the slammer.  Thank God for the most incredible invention for moms who hate cleaning: Mr. Clean Magic Erasers.  Can I get an Amen?!

While Micah tries to chill the heck out, allow me to regale you with a little story from last weekend.  Now, before I start trying to type this using the notes I pounded out on my sister in law's iPad on the drive back from Michigan, I need to add a disclaimer.

This is one of those "You Had to Be There" stories.  I'm going to try my best to make it about 70% as funny in words as it was in real life, but I'm fairly certain that's going to be impossible.

A Little Background:

I love to scrapbook.  Isaiah has a beautiful scrapbook, my very first one.  It starts when we found out we were pregnant with him and records dang near every detail of my pregnancy with him.  The book has several layouts about his birth and then the rest of the pages chronicle every month of his first year of life, including several special pages about pumpkin patches, first steps, holidays, and other such milestones.

Micah also has a great scrapbook that details all the exciting stories from my pregnancy with him and then a page about his birth story.  Every month, there is a page with cute photos of him along with the developmental steps he took that month.  I even managed to sneak in a few special event pages for him, culminating in his first birthday.

Thomas has diddly squat.

Needless to say, the time I have to scrapbook has dwindled exponentially since adding my third child and I have had to evolve from a "traditional scrapbooker" to a "practical scrapbooker."  All Hail Project Life!  I'm so happy that Becky Higgins is coming out with a Baby Edition because that is going to rescue me from leaving Thomas out.  But....that's a blog post for another day.

Evan's uncle Jerry loves to tease me and his wife, Maribeth, about our scrapbooking obsession hobby.  He calls it a "cult" and just gets such a kick out of poking fun at our secret meetings (crops), cult dues (money spent on materials), and the strange words we throw around that must be code (Cricut, Cuttlebug, Sizzix, etc). 

The Campfire Conversation:

It all started with a discussion about political bumper stickers.  I mentioned that I wanted to get a lawn sign supporting one of the current presidential candidates (Nope, I'm not going to say which one) and Evan's cousin Matt said he could have brought me a bumper sticker if I had said something ahead of time.  Then Matt (who works as part of the campaign team for a current Senate candidate in Michigan) started talking about how much bumper stickers cost and I immediately thought about Becky Higgins and how she won't be offering the arrow and date stickers as part of the Project Life core kit anymore because of how expensive they are to manufacture.  Yes, I am fully aware that I am a serious dork.

So, I chime in with this story about these scrapbooking stickers and Uncle Jerry was not about to waste an opportunity to harass me about my "cult."  He razzes me about the secret passwords we have (coupon codes at scrapbooking stores) and any number of other things.  The family members sitting around the campfire were all squealing with laughter as I blubbered and stammered, trying to get a word in edgewise.  I finally got to explain how Becky had to opt for offering the stickers a la carte and Jerry asked if I could just make my own stickers.  As most scrapbookers know, we CAN make our own stickers!  This exchange promptly took place.

Me: Sure, I could make them with a Xyron!
Ashley:  Is Xyron the god you worship in your cult?  All hail Lord Xyron!

Cue.....raucous laughter.  I stumble all over myself yet again and try to explain how the Xyrons can make stickers and this sentence actually escapes my lips:

"But my Xyron is only a couple inches big!"

As I'm sure you've guessed, the conversation had now taken a turn toward phallic innuendo which made it even more hilarious.  As we're all outside discussing the different sizes of Xyron, Matt goes in the house to ask his mom about all this. 

Matt:  Hey Mom, do you know what a Xyron is?
Maribeth:  Yes!  Sarah has one and it's BIGGER THAN MINE!

Matt repeats this conversation to me and I couldn't resist reminding him that it's not as much about the size of the Xyron, but how you use it.  Nothing like a good penis joke around the campfire to end a baby shower on a high note, folks.

At the Altar of Lord Xyron:

At this point, it was imperative that we visit Maribeth's scrapbook room so the men (and oblivious females) in the conversation could see what the heck we were talking about.  Evan's cousin Chad was taking photos (and video?) during this experience and also narrating our adventure as we "descended to the underground altar of Lord Xyron." 

After revealing Maribeth's Xyron 150 in all its glory, she had to show me her most recent acquisition, a Sizzix Big Shot.

As you can see by the photo, Maribeth and I were lost in our own little scrapbooking world, delighting in the joys of our "cult" and completely oblivious to the slew of mocking that was going on all around us. 

I was this close to peeing myself because I was laughing so hard. 

There have been countless moments where I have thanked God that I married into this family and this would definitely make the top five. 

And yes, Jerry.  Dave Ramsey would be fine with me being in The long as I had a budget envelope for it.

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