Monday, March 18, 2013

Something from Nothing

I realize that the expected thing would be for me to write a post about how attending InspireU, the women's conference at my church, was a watershed moment for me.  You've probably come to expect that I would write about the moment when the speaker quoted a passage of scripture that jumped off the page at me and spoke to my heart right at the moment I needed to hear it. 

But that didn't least not in the way I expected.

Now, that's not to say I didn't have a blast because I totally did.  The worship was powerful and I got to spend the day with my mentor from my moms' group who is really an incredible woman whom I admire deeply.  We even went to our first "learning lab" session together where we listened to the very wise Elizabeth Murphy speak about how learning the different names of God can intensify our relationship with him and help us start to understand the many unfathomable aspects of his nature.  I thought about how the name Elohim referred to the God who makes something out of nothing.  Elohim is the one who took the nothingness and breathed life into it.  It was he who took the soil of the earth and out of it formed a precious creation in his own image, a being who would be capable of incredible things, who would be able to wield God's power to part seas and raise the dead.

God can truly do ANYTHING.

Why then did I go into Saturday's conference feeling like I had nothing to offer Him?

Side note:  I'm trying really hard to write a serious post about how my soul responded to the worship and teaching at this event, but I'm currently also catching up on some shows on my DVR and I'm distracted by a bunch of actors pretending to be high school students singing a mash up of songs from "Top Gun" and "Risky Business."  I promise to try to focus.  Apparently my ability to multi-task my attentions faded after college.

We sat in the auditorium and listened to our keynote speaker (who was also wonderful, by the way) talk about how she adopted a little boy from Rwanda and then there were videos that showed all these other amazing ways that people were using their gifts or responding to God's call to expand the kingdom. 

At the end of the day, we were supposed to write on a card what we were willing to give up so we could turn around and give God our anything and allow him to work through us.  I sat in my pew and stared at the lines on that card and just drew a complete blank.  There were women all around me standing up and eagerly walking their cards up to the front of the church and before I knew it the entire auditorium looked like this:

I started to write in the blank space on the back of the card.  I wrote about how I wish I could write down exactly what I have to give.  I don't have the money to adopt a dozen babies from a third world country.  Heck, I don't have the money to adopt one baby and I'm pretty certain that I really don't even want to.  I like to write, but half the time I feel like I really don't even have anything important or meaningful to say and who on earth would even want to read it when there are so many other talented writers out there who are writing powerful, inspiring, poignant blogs, books and bible studies?  I spend my day trying to keep my anger under control as my kids throw fit after fit.  I spend my evenings serving people pizza and pasta and fighting the urge to have a really bad attitude.

Despite the fact that Elohim had made the earth, the stars and the seas.....I just couldn't see how he could possibly make something out of nothing in this case.  I wrote on the card:  What could someone like me possibly have to offer to the King of Kings?  How could he use me?  Will I even be able to see it?

Have you ever struggled with this?   I mean, I was seeing girls running around this joint in morph suits just because they were willing to lay it on the line in the name of serving Christ and here I am feeling absolutely paralyzed at the prospect of figuring out what my gifts are and if they are even worth anything in an eternal economy.

For real.  Morph suits.

So short of throwing on a pink morph suit or dying my hair pink, I need to figure some things out.  I need to do some work and ask some tough questions.  I need to be open to whatever it is God might ask and to pray that I am paying enough attention to know it when I hear it. 

Love you guys!

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