Thursday, May 30, 2013

The Big Questions

When is the ideal time to brush my teeth in the morning if I'm drinking coffee nonstop? (BEFORE is not an acceptable answer since I need the first thing to touch my lips to be coffee or the entire day is officially shot. Obviously.)

How long can I put off opening the sandbox and avoid the piles of wet sand and dirt that will walk back in the house stuck to little Hobbit feet? 

Do you think he knows this isn't actually a helmet? 

If a toddler drops a jar of pickles in Aisle 4 of the grocery store, but no one is around to see it, does it still make a sound? 

Why does my three year old think "being Iron Man" means dunking his foot in the toilet while he poops? 

What is so great about dirt, ashes, paper wrappers, pine needles, leaves, and used gum that they are infinitely more appealing to my son than a home-cooked meal?

How do I make every cup in my cupboard into a "favorite cup?"

Is there a way to make every vegetable disguise itself as chicken nuggets and French fries?

Why is it that these creatures seem to want to eat every. Single. Day. I swear, I just get cleaned up from feeding all these people and then they want me to do it all over again. Like, multiple times each day. Is this normal behavior? 

How much would it cost to soundproof my bathroom?

How much would it cost to stink-proof my bathroom? 

Please advise. 

Your friendly neighborhood philosopher


  1. LOL, this made me laugh today, i totally understand where you're coming from on the teeth brushing, only I don't drink coffee but have thought the same thing when drinking mountain dew. I have a couple questions of my own:

    How much would it cost to put a padded room in my house? And would it be more beneficial to put my son or myself in there???

    1. Put an ad on Craigslist for the padded room. Craigslist is always safe and totally ligit.


  2. Maybe it's the plate that makes them not want to eat the food. If you left it out on the garage floor they'd probably suck that food up like a Hoover. Maybe that's where the saying that your floor is "clean enough to eat off of" comes from. Some genius ye-olden times Mom just threw the food on the floor and had her rugrats go after it.

    Hmmm, that would mean that we'd have to regularly clean the floor though. Probably too much work. Nevermind.

  3. This post needs a like button! I can especially relate to the pickle jar and the all day feeding. Along with feeding them 16345 meals a day, there are all the dishes and counter wiping and sweeping that comes along with it.sigh... (from Audrey in PA, I can't figure out how to post a comment other than choosing anonymous)

    1. Yes! I swear, if Mary Poppins were around to just snap her fingers and take care of the cleanup, the whole food prep and feeding part would be a little easier.

  4. I'm laughing so hard. This is great!

    1. Thanks! For real though, stink-proofing the bathroom is a multi-million dollar idea.


Talk to me, Goose.

Blog Widget by LinkWithin