Thursday, May 30, 2013

The Big Questions

When is the ideal time to brush my teeth in the morning if I'm drinking coffee nonstop? (BEFORE is not an acceptable answer since I need the first thing to touch my lips to be coffee or the entire day is officially shot. Obviously.)

How long can I put off opening the sandbox and avoid the piles of wet sand and dirt that will walk back in the house stuck to little Hobbit feet? 

Do you think he knows this isn't actually a helmet? 

If a toddler drops a jar of pickles in Aisle 4 of the grocery store, but no one is around to see it, does it still make a sound? 

Why does my three year old think "being Iron Man" means dunking his foot in the toilet while he poops? 

What is so great about dirt, ashes, paper wrappers, pine needles, leaves, and used gum that they are infinitely more appealing to my son than a home-cooked meal?

How do I make every cup in my cupboard into a "favorite cup?"

Is there a way to make every vegetable disguise itself as chicken nuggets and French fries?

Why is it that these creatures seem to want to eat every. Single. Day. I swear, I just get cleaned up from feeding all these people and then they want me to do it all over again. Like, multiple times each day. Is this normal behavior? 

How much would it cost to soundproof my bathroom?

How much would it cost to stink-proof my bathroom? 

Please advise. 

Your friendly neighborhood philosopher

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