Thursday, June 20, 2013

The time I lost my mind. Over peanut butter.

The following is an actual email exchange that took place between my husband and I literally HOURS after he had safely reached his destination after more than 24 hours of travel.

If you've ever felt like you're struggling to be a thoughtful, caring, considerate this.  Hopefully my horrific failure in this department will make you feel better.

Me: I can't find my PB2! Any insights?

Evan:  You mean the stuff that was in the cupboard or the rest from the freezer?  I didn't move the stuff from the cupboard. I thought the rest was in the inside freezer, but I'm not 100% on that.

Me:  There were two flavors in the cupboard. Regular pb2 in the plastic labeled jar, pb2 with chocolate in the glass mason jar. It's the regular one that is MIA.

Evan:  Hmmm, I may have mixed them not knowing that they were different.

Me:  Get out. You didn't.

Evan:  It's possible.

Me:   I'm trying really hard to keep this in perspective right now and tell myself, "It's only peanut butter."


It's really freaking expensive peanut butter that I had separated like that for a reason and since you never actually use it, why in the name of Zeus's BUTTHOLE would you go messing with it???!!!!!

Evan:  I don't really have a great answer to that. But I love you, I'm sorry, and I won't touch your peanut butter again.

Me:   Apology accepted and I will try to get my head back on straight about this.  Sorry for losing it.  I love you too and the kids are already wailing about how much they miss Daddy.  Hoping for no head injuries today.

Time for Analysis.

Yes, I lost my mind.  Over peanut butter.  I'm not even going to try to defend this except to say that anyone who is a PB2 fan like I am will completely understand why I flipped my lid at the discovery that my darling spouse had mixed my powders.'s still only peanut butter.  And really, did I have to go all psycho on him about it?  Probably not.

What else can we ascertain from this little exchange?  If you're ever looking for a fun exclamatory phrase that sounds really vulgar, but isn't really all that bad, I recommend "in the name of Zeus's butthole."  Thank you Nicholas Cage.

And hat's off to Evan here.  Not once did he call me out for being a crazy person about my stupid peanut butter or remind me that he had just spent about 14 hours on a plane and hadn't slept in over a day.  Nope, my man took the high road.

As for the head injury I mention, I suppose it's only fair to show you what happened to Thomas on the very first day of Evan being gone on this business trip.

The good news is that he got to rock a Phineas & Ferb Band-Aid, so all is well. 

Oh, and I'm totally available for marital counseling services for a nominal fee.  Just click the email icon at the top right corner of your screen.  (Joking.)

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