Friday, August 9, 2013

Five Minute Friday: Lonely

How long has it been since I've written a FMF post?  Too long, that's how long.

Here are the rules as laid out by Lisa-Jo, aka "Gypsy Mama" -

Basically, you set a timer for five minutes and just WRITE.  No editing, no stopping to second-guess yourself, just a free flow of your thoughts hitting paper....keyboard....whatever.  She gives the topic and then you just GO.   Then you link back to Lisa-Jo and invite others to join in.

Today's prompt is: LONELY

GO.

Is it possible to be lonely when you're surrounded by people?  I think so, yes.  In fact, I would argue that the loneliness is that much more poignant and painful when you look around and seem to see smiling faces at every turn and you find yourself playing the dangerous comparison game.

Clearly, she has it all together.
I bet her marriage is perfect.
Her kids are behaving like angels.  I bet she's a way better mother than I am.
Everyone else probably has tons of friends but me.


I've been thinking a lot about this idea of isolation in the midst of a crowd as I prayerfully prepare to lead a group of moms of young children at my church this coming fall.  I remember showing up to the first day last year, new to the church, new to the city, new to my faith.  I felt like I didn't belong, that I had no business sitting among these mothers with cute hair and perma-grins.  Would they be able to sense my lie?  Would they be able to tell that I was shaking in my knee-high boots that I wore specifically to fool them into thinking I actually got dressed on regular basis?

The speaker that day talked about loneliness.  About feeling like nobody in the world understood your pain, your hurt, your struggle, and your fears.  She talked about taking that step and searching out friends and how the Lord honors it when a woman prays for other women to come into her life that will sustain her, support her, and guide her to a closer relationship with Him.  I had to slip out to the bathroom to wipe my tears so the strangers at my table wouldn't see my mascara run.

I prayed for friends and He answered.

Now I am once again praying that I can connect women who struggle with feeling lonely while spending their days surrounded by young children only to come to a roomful of other women who are significantly more intimidating.  And once again, I know He will answer.

STOP.

4 comments:

  1. Sarah, thank you for sharing! I can so identify with falling into the comparison trap. Your experience that first day in the room will make you a sensitive and insightful leader! Blessings on your ministry venture this year.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you so much! I'm starting to get a little nervous, to be honest! :)

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    2. It'll be a nice chance for you to get back into that leadership / teaching role that you miss from school. I'm excited for you. I think it'll be good for you to get those juices flowing again.

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  2. I love this line: "Would they be able to tell that I was shaking in my knee-high boots that I wore specifically to fool them into thinking I actually got dressed on regular basis?" That cracked me up and made me totally identify with you!

    The comparison game is such a trap of Satan! Reading Beth Moore's "So Long Insecurity" really helped me to just quit that one.

    I hope you have a wonderful time leading in your church! Those mom groups are so necessary and helpful! Bless you!

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