Right now the emotional trauma of my first child going off to school is taking a back seat to the financial trauma associated with writing a bunch of checks my butt can't cash. (Figuratively speaking, of course. Not really.)
Anyway, I felt a little pick-me-up might be in order for this Friday morning. My apologies to those of you who are reading this at work or are already at school and have that pesky Internet filter to deal with. If that's the case, just be sure to bookmark this post (or better yet, mark it on Bloglovin'!) to come back to later for a good giggle.
Convos With My 2 Year Old
Heaven help me, but these are the funniest things I have seen in recent memory. Every single parent, aunt, grandmother, acquaintance, neighbor, friend of a friend whose sister in law has a toddler.....NEEDS to watch these. All of them. And the bloopers. Trust me on this one, folks. They are clean, they are clever, and they are spot on.
Basically, this series of You Tube videos re-enacts actual conversations between a father and his two-year old daughter, but the part of the daughter is played by a fully grown man with facial hair. I die. I'm pretty sure I wet my pants a little at the end of Episode 7 - The Pants, Part 2.
The Infinite Wisdom of Beth Woolsey
Have you heard of the blog entitled "Five Kids is a Lot of Kids?" Everything this woman writes is pure gold, but some recent posts in particular have left me with tears running down my face and sore muscles in my tummy. Seriously, I felt like I had just done 100 sit ups, my abs were screaming so loud. Not that I know what doing 100 sit ups even feels like since my Crossfit Groupon ran out.
If you are the parent of boys, read 10 Rules for Peeing, So Your Bathroom Smells Like Pee and My Penis is Not Okay.
If you are scientifically inclined, read The Directly Proportional Law of Housekeeping.
If you are the parent of a pre-teen or teenager, read A Letter to My Teen: I love You. Now Knock it Off.
If you are currently or have ever eaten a banana or witnessed someone eating a banana or attempted to convince your children to eat a banana, read How to Choose the Perfect Banana.
If you are breathing in and out and possess a sense of humor at all, read Teaching Kids Not to Swear,
And then just keep scrolling and keep reading because Beth is easily one of the funniest bloggers I have encountered and I desperately want to slap on a pair of Depends and meet her for coffee because I have a feeling we would be shooting Caramel Macchiatos out of our nose within minutes.
The Ridiculous Antics of My Offspring
No web surfing required, I hope to inspire a smile based on the everyday happenings from my crazy children.
Micah licked the raw cookie dough off the beater (yup, eggs and all) and since I was already officially a terrible parent for letting him do this, I figured I may as well go for broke.....
....and let them splash around in the gutter water as a form of summertime entertainment. In my defense, the middle-aged man who walked past my brood in their gleeful splashing announced, "Now that reminds me of the old days!"
However, I doubt they played rousing games of "The Naked Jedi" in the old days.
Oh, remember that time the TV crew came to my house to interview me about the Brewer game story? Well, what you didn't see on the evening news was that while I was taping my portion of the interview, Isaiah was dancing behind the reporter with his shirt off and it was all I could do to keep from laughing while the camera was rolling. Not to be outdone, Micah proceeded to do this once the interview was over:
The Inspiring and Wise Words of Ashton (Chris) Kutcher
Yeah, I can't believe I wrote that title either, but if you are one of the few who has not yet seen the video of Mr. Kutcher's speech at the Teen Choice Awards, you are missing out. It's not the goofy, nonsensical garbage you might expect from, well....the Teen Choice Awards, but it is instead a very valuable challenge to today's youth to appreciate opportunity, work hard, be smart, and realize that life is only what you make of it. Bravo, Mr. Kutcher. Bravo.
If Disney Princesses had Instagram
Not at all poignant or thought-provoking, this post is just clever and funny. For all the Disney fans out there or for anyone who is familiar (or addicted) to Instagram, this one is a must-read.
(Image Source: http://www.bforbel.com/2013/08/bforbel-original-disney-princess-instagram.html)
The Cruelty of Netflix
But nothing could have prepared me for the snorting-laced laughter that would develop from reading this post about the far reaching ramifications of Netflix abandoning Shaun the Sheep. Please read and enjoy with my blessing.
Happy Friday everyone. If you don't have a smile on your face by now, you are clearly a direct decedent of The Grinch Who Stole Christmas, Ebeneezer Scrooge, or just really need to have another cup of coffee and a chocolate chip cookie. Or, maybe you just got caught in the crossfire when the boys tried to "cross the streams" in the bathroom earlier. If so, skip the coffee and go straight to wine. They really should sell wine next to the Clorox bleach, toilet paper, and diapers at Target. Don't you think?
Yes, I've stayed 100% sober since my 30th birthday. Thanks for asking. :)