Friday, September 6, 2013

Why I Can't be a Cavewoman

By now, I'm sure most of you have heard about the new diet fad sweeping the nation - the "Paleo" diet.  Since I carry Instagram on my phone with me everywhere I go, I see photos all day long of meals my online pals are eating that adhere to this paleolithic (get it? Paleo?) way of approaching food.  It's very basic to basics, no artificial junk, natural proteins, no refined junk, and makes a lot of sense.

 (Our very non-paleo breakfast buffet before a Brewers game)

But I could never do it.

My knowledge of the Paleo diet is very limited, but thanks to the good folks at Wikipedia I can say with a reasonable degree of certainty that I would have to quit trying to eat this way within mere days of trying it out.  Here's why.

1.  No grains.

As in, no pasta.  No rice.  No bread.  No Stella's Spicy Cheese Bread from the Farmer's Market in Madison, WI.  And I'm sorry....but that is unacceptable.  Have you ever had Stella's bread?  It makes life worth living, folks.  Also out?  My mother-in-law's Party Mix.  And no popcorn.  Wait, is popcorn a grain?  Now I'm going to have to Google it.

Yup, popcorn is considered a whole grain.  I'm out.

2.  I may or may not have just eaten the last two frozen balls of chocolate chip cookie dough with the justification that it was the most efficient way to "just get rid of them."

3.  No beer.

I suppose this kind of ties in with the "no grains" thing, but I think beer deserves its own category.  Granted, I haven't had any alcohol at all since August 15th and I really haven't missed it all that much.  But I have realized that I just really, really like my beer.  It would be tough to say goodbye to it forever.

4.  No dairy.

I am a Wisconsin girl, people.  Milk and cheese are in our blood.  I go to the grocery store and there is an entire aisle of cheese.  As in, not a couple cases, but a full-length aisle of nothing but cheese.  Soft cheeses, hard cheeses, local cheeses, goat's milk cheeses, sheep's milk cheeses, cheddars, goudas, mozzarellas, colby jack, brie, spicy cheese, string cheese....and cheese curds.  Please, I beg of you.  If you have never experienced the joy of a Wisconsin cheese curd, put it on your bucket list.  Long live cheese.

5.  No refined sugars.

Yes, of course we should try to limit our intake of refined sugars as much as possible.  Remember, you're talking to a gal who lost nearly 75 pounds last year!  I know as well as anyone the kind of damage sugar can do to your body.  All I'm saying is that there is no way I could personally ever cut it out completely.  My mother-in-law decided a few years ago that she was just done with sugar.  And she was.  Just like that.  It still amazed me because my desire for sugar is so incredibly strong that I know I couldn't just be DONE.  When it comes to sugars, I just try to rely on small portions and moderation as best I can.

Except when there are cookie dough balls in the freezer that need to be disposed of.

6.  Too expensive

The info I have found suggests consuming only meats from grass-fed animals which I have found translates to big buckaroonies at the grocery store.  I looked at a pound of grass-fed ground beef at the grocery store the other night and it was about $7 for a single pound.  I am all for eating organic, human, non-genetically altered in any way and such and such, but I struggle enough right now to keep our grocery bill under control.  I certainly can't be tossing these in my cart:

Yeesh!  The majority of our grocery money currently goes toward fresh fruits, vegetables, and lean meats.  I'm going to put that in the WIN column and move on.

7.  Ice Cream

See my explanation for #4 and #5.

Have you ever done the Paleo Diet?  Any feedback or experiences you have to share? 

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