Friday, September 6, 2013

Why I Can't be a Cavewoman

By now, I'm sure most of you have heard about the new diet fad sweeping the nation - the "Paleo" diet.  Since I carry Instagram on my phone with me everywhere I go, I see photos all day long of meals my online pals are eating that adhere to this paleolithic (get it? Paleo?) way of approaching food.  It's very basic to basics, no artificial junk, natural proteins, no refined junk, and makes a lot of sense.

 (Our very non-paleo breakfast buffet before a Brewers game)

But I could never do it.

My knowledge of the Paleo diet is very limited, but thanks to the good folks at Wikipedia I can say with a reasonable degree of certainty that I would have to quit trying to eat this way within mere days of trying it out.  Here's why.

1.  No grains.

As in, no pasta.  No rice.  No bread.  No Stella's Spicy Cheese Bread from the Farmer's Market in Madison, WI.  And I'm sorry....but that is unacceptable.  Have you ever had Stella's bread?  It makes life worth living, folks.  Also out?  My mother-in-law's Party Mix.  And no popcorn.  Wait, is popcorn a grain?  Now I'm going to have to Google it.

Yup, popcorn is considered a whole grain.  I'm out.

2.  I may or may not have just eaten the last two frozen balls of chocolate chip cookie dough with the justification that it was the most efficient way to "just get rid of them."

3.  No beer.

I suppose this kind of ties in with the "no grains" thing, but I think beer deserves its own category.  Granted, I haven't had any alcohol at all since August 15th and I really haven't missed it all that much.  But I have realized that I just really, really like my beer.  It would be tough to say goodbye to it forever.

4.  No dairy.

I am a Wisconsin girl, people.  Milk and cheese are in our blood.  I go to the grocery store and there is an entire aisle of cheese.  As in, not a couple cases, but a full-length aisle of nothing but cheese.  Soft cheeses, hard cheeses, local cheeses, goat's milk cheeses, sheep's milk cheeses, cheddars, goudas, mozzarellas, colby jack, brie, spicy cheese, string cheese....and cheese curds.  Please, I beg of you.  If you have never experienced the joy of a Wisconsin cheese curd, put it on your bucket list.  Long live cheese.

5.  No refined sugars.

Yes, of course we should try to limit our intake of refined sugars as much as possible.  Remember, you're talking to a gal who lost nearly 75 pounds last year!  I know as well as anyone the kind of damage sugar can do to your body.  All I'm saying is that there is no way I could personally ever cut it out completely.  My mother-in-law decided a few years ago that she was just done with sugar.  And she was.  Just like that.  It still amazed me because my desire for sugar is so incredibly strong that I know I couldn't just be DONE.  When it comes to sugars, I just try to rely on small portions and moderation as best I can.

Except when there are cookie dough balls in the freezer that need to be disposed of.

6.  Too expensive

The info I have found suggests consuming only meats from grass-fed animals which I have found translates to big buckaroonies at the grocery store.  I looked at a pound of grass-fed ground beef at the grocery store the other night and it was about $7 for a single pound.  I am all for eating organic, human, non-genetically altered in any way and such and such, but I struggle enough right now to keep our grocery bill under control.  I certainly can't be tossing these in my cart:

Yeesh!  The majority of our grocery money currently goes toward fresh fruits, vegetables, and lean meats.  I'm going to put that in the WIN column and move on.

7.  Ice Cream

See my explanation for #4 and #5.

Have you ever done the Paleo Diet?  Any feedback or experiences you have to share? 


  1. No experience with the paleo stuff but i do have a friend from WI who does nothing but rave over cheese curds and top the tator ...... still though, i have a hard time getting past the name "curd"

    1. How about "cheese nugget?" Nope, still gross. "Cheese chunk?" "Cheese lump?"

      You're right. It sounds gross, but it is really an amazing thing. Trust me.

  2. Wisconsin girl here just adding to your glorious list of cheese in Wisconsin. Brick Cheese everyone! Add that to the bucket too. Glorious!

    Dawn Marie

  3. Haven't we talked about paleo? I BELIEVE in it! Have you read the testimonials? Those darn grains are the bane of us all! Until you try, you will not know.


    1. I know Mom. You know I am fully aware of your success when it comes to proclaiming the evils of grain. We haven't officially sat down and had a paleo conversation/intervention whatever, but I think we both know I just don't have it in me!!

  4. I am right there with you on the expensive part! We just put AJ on a gluten free diet and I can not believe how pricey things are!

  5. Hmm... what to say, what to say... I've been feeling lately like I should do Paleo because I think maybe it will solve some health issues, but I'm with you. It would be really hard. My husband basically did it (except for the no dairy and only grass-fed beef -- he still bought regular grocery-store meat) for the first three months of the year. He was doing a fitness challenge, and the diet recommended by the plan he was following ( was very low carb, and had a lot of similarities to Paleo. He lost over 30 pounds, and has kept it off. He switched his diet, though. Now, he does something called Carb Backloading. It's for bodybuilders, which is what he's working on now in his workouts. There's another version of it that women can do (apparently, carb backloading doesn't work for women). Anyway, the other version is called Carb Night. You eat very low carbs, but one night a week, you can eat all the carbs you want. That's the plan he's going to follow next (after he's bulked up his muscles and needs to lean down again). Anyway... I am no expert in any of this. I just know what he's told me. Ha! I know I need to change my eating habits. It's hard. I think I'm going to try to make a few small changes, and see if I can make some more as I go. Not sure if I want to try to make it to full Paleo, or not. Probably not. But, I definitely need to get rid of the excess sugar in my diet, and eat a lot more vegetables.

    1. Gah!! What does all the good for us stuff have to be so much more expensive and taste less like butter and chocolate?


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