Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Wide Right.

Have mercy.

This has been a DAY, friends.  It was the kind of day that has left me cursing the fact that my kids haven't gone trick or treating yet because I would love to be raiding their candy bags right about now.

Micah woke up in the middle of the night last night having wet the bed for the second night in a row, something he hasn't done for quite some time.  When I was tucking him back in bed, I noticed he felt really hot and he definitely had a fever when he woke up this morning so I kept him home from school.  He was NOT happy about it, but there wasn't much choice in the matter. 

He barely ate a single bite all day, which is very strange for Micah.  There was just an excess of crankiness up in here.  Micah was feeling yucky and tired, Thomas was in a stinky mood and cried over just about everything, and I was just doing all I could to hold it together and not feel like I had failed entirely at this whole gig. 

I hate it when I misplace the owner's manual to my kids.

When it comes to things outside of "Mommying," I go out of my way to do my research, study the details, and hit the ground running when I am given a new opportunity.  I was recently asked to serve on a committee at church for an upcoming women's conference and be in charge of the social media aspect of things and I think it took me a grand total of about 4 minutes after I hung up the phone to be researching the conference, trying to find out all the information I could, and writing down a list of questions to ask the head of the committee in regards to my responsibilities. 

That's when I got scared and thought about calling her back to tell her to choose someone else. 

I just like to do things well and sometimes I get a little worked up when things don't go the way I had hoped.  Like the time I messed up the boss's table at my new restaurant.....and I cried.
Or the time when my former boss accused me of being selfish and lazy because of a minor mistake....and I cried.
Or how about the time when my middle son told me he hated me.....and I cried.

Letting people down terrifies me.

Days like this make me feel like the field goal kicker who does everything possible to prepare for that game-winning kick.  He practices, meets with the coaches, watches film and takes notes.  But sometimes when the ball is snapped.....it just doesn't work right and the crowd's shoulders sag and they trudge out of the stadium with their heads hung.

I get so frustrated when life doesn't measure up to expectations.  Today was just another example of that.  Micah's icky tummy, feverish head, and squashed dreams of a day playing with his friends combined with a crabby little brother made for a pretty tense environment in here.  Add in the dirty dishes, the overflowing laundry baskets, my piercing headache and the fact that I had yet another run-in with my own failures....and I cried when the kick went wide right.

Tomorrow I have a meeting with my friend and I hope I haven't completely quit on myself by then.  Right now, I'm feeling like I'm barely even qualified to write this ridiculous blog post.  At least Micah finally passed out on the couch despite his screaming protests moments earlier of "But I am NOTTTT SICK!!!!!"

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