Friday, May 22, 2015

Bath? We Don't Need No Stinking Baths!

TRUE CONFESSION: When we had only one kid, there was a whole PROCESS with baths. There were bedtime baths with lavender body wash meant to encourage peaceful sleep, lotions, blowing of raspberries on tummies, etc. Almost every night.

Now we have two additional kids and they are huge. We can't even fit them all in the tub anymore and their idea of "playing" usually results in tidal waves that flood my bathroom. It's a whole thing.

Last week, Thomas brought home a flower from preschool and Evan helped him plant it in a pot for our back patio. He sent me this photo of the proud, dirt-caked kiddo and I smiled at its adorableness.

Cute, right?

This exchange is what followed:

Later, my husband admitted that he's only "mostly sure" he even washed Thomas's hands.  

So we don't give baths every night. Heck, we don't give baths on any sort of schedule at all.

They get baths when they step in dog poop when they've been having barefoot races around the house.
They get baths when they've been digging in the sandbox all night and their fingers are crusted.
They get baths when the oldest comes out of his room in shorts and we notice his knees are black.
They get baths when one pukes.
After haircuts.

But most often, they get baths after one of us looks at the other and asks, "When is the last time the boys had a bath?" Then we wait a couple days and they get a bath.

As for the post-bath rituals?

All three boys run around like wild men for a while before we can finally corral them to get their PJs on. They towel off a bit and then comes the Butt Powdering.

Even my oldest.

They are going to kill me when they are teenagers and this still lives on the Internet.

Also, there are a few things that are not actually baths that count as baths in our book.
  • Playing outside in a downpour
  • Swimming in a chlorinated pool
  • Swimming in a non-chlorinated pool
  • Splashing around in a kiddie pool half-full of stagnant tap water
  • Jumping in a lake
  • Getting blasted repeatedly by the neighbor kid with a Super Soaker
  • Being cornered by your brother and drenched with a hose
  • Being cornered by your dad and getting doused with a 5 gallon bucket full of water

An article from the Washington Post entitled Why You Should Stop Giving Your Kid a Bath Every Day came across my Facebook news feed and I found myself shouting slightly as I read it - "Yes! This is what I've been saying!" I realize I'm totally outing us and that there is a very real possibility that we will forever be known as "The Stinky Family."

So if you see us kicking our kids out the front door during a warm summer rain, pay no mind. It's just bath night.

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